My creative brain is closed off because it’s busy dealing with a society that won’t meet our needs
I’m hanging in there, but I’m also annoyed that my tiny reservoir of energy has to be used dealing with ableist systems
My writing brain hasn’t functioned well enough for a while and I’ve been wondering what is wrong. The things that I want to write about don’t feel authentic to where my body and mental health is at the moment.
See, I want to write about the big stuff like stigma and discrimination, where it comes from and how to dismantle it, but I don’t have that kind of capacity right now, neither physically or mentally. When I try to come up with ideas, it feels like my brain shuts off. So I finally caved and understood that the only thing I could write about was the stuff happening in my life right now:
I feel utterly and completely downtrodden. I have a case with social services where Per Fink got involved. To those who don’t know him he has been the main source of opposition for ME patients in Denmark as he believes ME is psychosomatic (that’s the nicest version I could come up with).
I won’t go into details about the case, but he told social services (amongst a lot of other nonsense) that treating symptoms is harmful for ME patients because it keeps them stuck in their illness. This idea stems from the ‘functional disorders’ paradigm that we aren’t biologically sick, but that our perception of our bodies makes us sick.
So by giving the patient medicine for their symptoms one reinforces the idea that they are indeed sick. Utter unscientific nonsense. But his involvement has meant my family has had to hire lawyers as the case can create a precedent for other ME patients in Denmark. It’s a nightmare.
I also have a hospital stay coming up. Last time they mistreated me, so my medical PTSD has been triggered. I have constant nightmares and I have to work with my thoughts to prevent panic attacks.
This is a reminder to me of the ableism of much productivity advice out there, which aims to keep you productive every day, 365 days a year. This is not possible for a lot of disabled and neurodivergent people.
I wish I could write about other things. I wish I could delve into new theories and creative solutions and what not. But this is my world right now.
My creative brain is closed off because it’s busy dealing with a society that won’t meet our needs, even though it’s fully possible to meet those needs (we saw that under lockdowns).
I’m hanging in there, but I’m also immensely annoyed that my tiny reservoir of energy has to be used dealing with ableist systems and busy human beings who don’t take time to reflect about how they are treating others.
I hope to be back soon, although I think it might be a while.