If you could go back in time what would you tell or not tell your younger self?
When I was in my late teens I made a terrible decision. I decided I wasn’t good enough at my music, that I wasn’t a creative person, and so I decided to quit. This is my biggest regret.
So, I would tell my younger self that creativity will come to save her life one day and that she has always been a creative person no matter what people say or insinuate. I will tell her to work on befriending her inner critic and calming it down and making sure it doesn’t make any decisions about where to go in life. I would never tell her that she wil go on to develop a very debilitating and stigmatising illness — that will break her heart.
What about you? What would you tell or not tell your younger self?
I would tell my younger self: You know how everything kind of feels harder for you than for other people, and you often want to rest more than other people seem to need to? Maybe things are harder for you, maybe you need to rest more, and maybe THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT. Also, keep being creative just for fun, because you feel a tiny bit more alive, more yourself, when you do that. That is a great reason to create ❤️
If I was looking back to my younger self at a similar age (I’m guessing at around uni age), I’d nudge myself to tend to that addiction to pain she has. The signs are there. And I know you’ve never known life without it Amber and your new life is a lot to handle. But it can be this good and it can get even better. You don’t need to drink yourself into oblivion. Pay attention to how ill drink is making you. This is alcohol poisoning, it is your body’s way of saying no more. Take care of me please.
Also, The belief you have that when something good happens something bad is sure to follow. Sit with that one. Ask yourself young Amber, is this an empowering belief or does this leave you feeling disempowered? Did you know you can empower yourself? It might not have been possible before, not for a long time, but it is now. This is what your mum wants for you, she just has difficulty putting it into words.
Trust that you know what you’re talking about when it comes to those agonising attacks. Trust that you will work it out way ahead of the medical field. It is not their fault (nor yours) but it is your responsibility. No one else will help you get to the root of the problem, but you can. Trust you know the way.
I’d tell myself that big job and it’s big paycheck aren’t worth sacrificing your body for. I’d also tell myself it’s okay to end a sentence with a preposition 🤭
Hi Madelleine, This may sound unbelievable, but I wouldn't go back in time. In fact, I'm pretty scared of going back and changing anything. There's been so much pain and seismic events over the last nine years that I wouldn't want me or anyone else to have to relive any of it in any way. I'm still surprised at how we managed to get through it all, but we had piercing joy and loads of strife.
If I were kidnapped and went back in time, I'd pretend to be someone else, a good friend to my younger self, and just say, 'Keep doing what you're doing. You're going to be fine. You are stronger than you know, but life is also tougher than you know. You can't control any of it or stop things, so just be you. You'll evolve. Trust yourself.'
Thanks Hon! I literally have nightmares about re-living 2018-2020, any slightest change to what happened and lots of other things could've been even worse. Hence, why I feel both life-worn-wiser and paradoxically traumatically-blessed. I couldn't have 'passed' that walk on coals without everything I'd done before! xoxo
I would tell her that it’s ok to be different - preferable even - and that one day she will embrace it and will proud as heck.
I spent so much of my childhood feeling sad or “less than” because I was different. I wasn’t just a geek-nerd I was an unwell geek nerd. That’s a rough combination. My friends were primarily books and teachers and it was a lonely time.
Now I’m proud to be different and I’m glad I have the confidence to march to my own drum!
I would say again and again, "be gentle with yourself."
I was (and can sometimes still be, but am much better with it now) very hard on myself, for the things I couldn't do, the energy I didn't have, the ... the many things. Life can be so much softer than this.
Oh yes, life can indeed be much softer (great word there by the way). I’ve only recently learnt to be gentle with myself and what a difference it makes. Everything really does become softer.
I would tell my younger self that working on my own creative projects is just as, if not more, important than collaborative work. I had a tendency to put my all into collaborative projects and take on too much in the partnership which meant my own work suffered, and I was often left feeling burnt out and taken advantage of. My creative time is precious and sacred and needs to be treated as such.
I would tell my younger self that your writing is fine. So what if you change POV in the same chapter? You, or an editor, can sort it out later. Just keep going and stop getting hung up over the little things and stopping. Enjoy your creativity and the creative flow.
I’d tell her not to take any shit from anyone. With 4 perpetrators I did. Two of them tried to murder me. I divorced them both. But not in time to avoid Very Severe ME.
I would tell my younger self: You know how everything kind of feels harder for you than for other people, and you often want to rest more than other people seem to need to? Maybe things are harder for you, maybe you need to rest more, and maybe THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT. Also, keep being creative just for fun, because you feel a tiny bit more alive, more yourself, when you do that. That is a great reason to create ❤️
Oh I love this! My younger self (and my present self) could use this message.
Mine too, Madelleine ❤️🩹🤩
If I was looking back to my younger self at a similar age (I’m guessing at around uni age), I’d nudge myself to tend to that addiction to pain she has. The signs are there. And I know you’ve never known life without it Amber and your new life is a lot to handle. But it can be this good and it can get even better. You don’t need to drink yourself into oblivion. Pay attention to how ill drink is making you. This is alcohol poisoning, it is your body’s way of saying no more. Take care of me please.
Also, The belief you have that when something good happens something bad is sure to follow. Sit with that one. Ask yourself young Amber, is this an empowering belief or does this leave you feeling disempowered? Did you know you can empower yourself? It might not have been possible before, not for a long time, but it is now. This is what your mum wants for you, she just has difficulty putting it into words.
Trust that you know what you’re talking about when it comes to those agonising attacks. Trust that you will work it out way ahead of the medical field. It is not their fault (nor yours) but it is your responsibility. No one else will help you get to the root of the problem, but you can. Trust you know the way.
Oooh this made me cry! Such beautiful and important messages ❤️🌸
🥲
I’d tell myself that big job and it’s big paycheck aren’t worth sacrificing your body for. I’d also tell myself it’s okay to end a sentence with a preposition 🤭
So true! To both 🌸
DON’T PUSH THROUGH!
Such a good one! I needed that one too.
Hi Madelleine, This may sound unbelievable, but I wouldn't go back in time. In fact, I'm pretty scared of going back and changing anything. There's been so much pain and seismic events over the last nine years that I wouldn't want me or anyone else to have to relive any of it in any way. I'm still surprised at how we managed to get through it all, but we had piercing joy and loads of strife.
If I were kidnapped and went back in time, I'd pretend to be someone else, a good friend to my younger self, and just say, 'Keep doing what you're doing. You're going to be fine. You are stronger than you know, but life is also tougher than you know. You can't control any of it or stop things, so just be you. You'll evolve. Trust yourself.'
I love this perspective! And wow, imagine having a friend say those things to you, that would be amazing 🌸
A late thought— feel free to take those words and hear them for YOU right now, hon!! That's what good peer mentoring friendship looks like! xo
Thanks Hon! I literally have nightmares about re-living 2018-2020, any slightest change to what happened and lots of other things could've been even worse. Hence, why I feel both life-worn-wiser and paradoxically traumatically-blessed. I couldn't have 'passed' that walk on coals without everything I'd done before! xoxo
I would tell her that it’s ok to be different - preferable even - and that one day she will embrace it and will proud as heck.
I spent so much of my childhood feeling sad or “less than” because I was different. I wasn’t just a geek-nerd I was an unwell geek nerd. That’s a rough combination. My friends were primarily books and teachers and it was a lonely time.
Now I’m proud to be different and I’m glad I have the confidence to march to my own drum!
YES! Such a powerful message too. I definitely could have used that, too (geek-nerd here too).
I would say again and again, "be gentle with yourself."
I was (and can sometimes still be, but am much better with it now) very hard on myself, for the things I couldn't do, the energy I didn't have, the ... the many things. Life can be so much softer than this.
Oh yes, life can indeed be much softer (great word there by the way). I’ve only recently learnt to be gentle with myself and what a difference it makes. Everything really does become softer.
I wish this was something we all learned earlier!
I would tell my younger self that working on my own creative projects is just as, if not more, important than collaborative work. I had a tendency to put my all into collaborative projects and take on too much in the partnership which meant my own work suffered, and I was often left feeling burnt out and taken advantage of. My creative time is precious and sacred and needs to be treated as such.
Creative alone-time is sooo precious! Thank you for sharing 🌸
🌹🌻🌸💐💚💜❤️🌼😍🥰
Aaawe 🌸🥰💕⭐️
I would tell my younger self that your writing is fine. So what if you change POV in the same chapter? You, or an editor, can sort it out later. Just keep going and stop getting hung up over the little things and stopping. Enjoy your creativity and the creative flow.
Oh, I needed to hear this today, for my present self 😀
I love your writing just FYI. X
Thank you so much 🌸
I’d tell her not to take any shit from anyone. With 4 perpetrators I did. Two of them tried to murder me. I divorced them both. But not in time to avoid Very Severe ME.
Oh wow, Andrea, I’m so sorry these aweful things happened to you and of no fault of your own in any way. And a great message we all can use!