Thanks for writing this. It really spoke to me. My own CF kicked in after cancer treatment. I think a lot of the rhetoric around cancer is well-meaning but can be unhelpful. It isn’t something you wrestle with and overcome once and for all. You are always aware that being declared “cancer free” is an over-simplification and you are soon abandoned by a medical system with more urgent and obvious things to do. A short period of euphoria and “I’m still here, now how can I change the world?” may be followed by months or years of negotiating a changed reality where none of the previous rules apply. I find coming to terms with that loss of outward productivity, which is the bedrock of our identity in capitalist society, has been quite the adjustment. It’s really helpful to read other people’s accounts of negotiating their health journeys
Thank you so much for sharing your experiences, and especially for adressing the cancer-rhetoric that you overcome it once and for all. There are so many long term and chronic complications of cancer and cancer treatment. I need this reminder too.
Crip time for me means letting go of the idea that my self worth is tied to what I can produce or do, that I'm enough and don't have to earn my right to exist in the world. I still get pretty down during bad flare-ups, but I think it's getting better. I'm lucky that I have a really supportive partner that helps me a lot with this particular productivity equals worth demon!
Hi Madelleine and thank you for this post. As some one who believed I was suffering with long covid after being caught by the virus two years ago, I am more convinced that it is indeed CFS that I have. I believe I had this before I got the virus and covid just compound the sh*t out of it.
I lived on that river Denial for almost two years, pushing myself, thinking "If I take this trip I'll get better" and "I'm just bored, depressed, lonely," and that the next massive project will save me. Like you, I also signed up for yoga teacher training, which is hard going and me being me, I didn't quit even though I wasn't enjoying it at all, also like you, I had to lie down for most of the theory tuition.
I feel a full post coming on about this. I have never heard of crip time. My son has MS and he learned early on how to go easy on himself, this is new territory for me. Overachivementitis and all that.
Thank you for your post, it has helped me to reframe things and to stop pressing the pressure buttons. I wish you well, as much as possible. Valerie
I can relate to this comment — I have Long Covid and then developed CFS because of it. I also initially thought my symptoms were tied to depression. Things are so hard. I was also a push-through-it person. Acknowledging that being that way and pushing through doesn’t help is how I keep going and leave guilt behind. But it’s difficult to do!
Never heard of crip time before but can relate to all the unlearning and relearning of productivity, letting go, adapting, patience and nothing about my life and my body being the same as what I’d been taught it to be in a linear, hierarchical, masculine dominated (imbalanced) system.
Thank you for this 💛 Being mentally ill has made holding down a lot of job difficult for me, and it’s hard not to let that affect your sense of worth sometimes. My dream is to have a job/career that allows me to honor my body’s natural energy cycle and listen to them before burning out
“Crip time embraces the rhythms, delays, and pauses that come with navigating a world not designed for all bodyminds.”
I love this post so much. I’m currently in what I call an adjustment period (a dip, flare, etc.) and I really needed to learn this new term right about now. Thank you, Madelleine 🩶
I’d never heard of crip time either and how you’ve written about your experience really resonates and has moved me. You’ve reminded me too of Josie George’s brilliant memoir ‘A Still Life’ - one of many books I’ve read in the long, slow and hateful process of coming to terms with crip time… thanks for this Madelleine 🙏🏻
Thank you for this. I don't have the energy for a long comment, but I subscribed and restacked this. So accurate. Like shining a light on the dark places.
Crip time is liberating for aging bodies. I got a taste of it with ME/CFS in my 30s, and at the time I had a sneaking suspicion that it would be helpful in the later years of life. Now in my 60s, I still fuss when I need to slow down sometimes, but having experienced the freedom from schedules that crip time offers, I find it helps me give fewer f—-s about conventional time and expectations. Thank you for your wise and seasoned perspective.
I appreciated your writing this morning. I find I am not as "in good health" mentally as I thought I was. My friends and my brother have urged me to get help and I am doing that now. Even starting that path has made me feel better. About cooking/ food - it is hard to know what to eat every day. (Lots of sandwiches, some fast food, sometimes vegetables. I could eat better if others were cooking for me!) I am also a cancer survivor - I've had 2 surgeries for ocular melanoma, so can't see out of my right eye. I manage well most of the time, especially at familiar places. (And thank God I can drive safely!!) Best wishes to the writer and commenters on this post!
Thanks for writing this. It really spoke to me. My own CF kicked in after cancer treatment. I think a lot of the rhetoric around cancer is well-meaning but can be unhelpful. It isn’t something you wrestle with and overcome once and for all. You are always aware that being declared “cancer free” is an over-simplification and you are soon abandoned by a medical system with more urgent and obvious things to do. A short period of euphoria and “I’m still here, now how can I change the world?” may be followed by months or years of negotiating a changed reality where none of the previous rules apply. I find coming to terms with that loss of outward productivity, which is the bedrock of our identity in capitalist society, has been quite the adjustment. It’s really helpful to read other people’s accounts of negotiating their health journeys
Thank you so much for sharing your experiences, and especially for adressing the cancer-rhetoric that you overcome it once and for all. There are so many long term and chronic complications of cancer and cancer treatment. I need this reminder too.
Crip time for me means letting go of the idea that my self worth is tied to what I can produce or do, that I'm enough and don't have to earn my right to exist in the world. I still get pretty down during bad flare-ups, but I think it's getting better. I'm lucky that I have a really supportive partner that helps me a lot with this particular productivity equals worth demon!
This is so true, our worth is in no way tied to our productivity — our own quiet rebellion. I love to hear you have a supportive partner!
I feel very grateful! I wish everyone with a chronic illness (and well, just everyone in general) such supportive people in their lives!
Me too!
Hi Madelleine and thank you for this post. As some one who believed I was suffering with long covid after being caught by the virus two years ago, I am more convinced that it is indeed CFS that I have. I believe I had this before I got the virus and covid just compound the sh*t out of it.
I lived on that river Denial for almost two years, pushing myself, thinking "If I take this trip I'll get better" and "I'm just bored, depressed, lonely," and that the next massive project will save me. Like you, I also signed up for yoga teacher training, which is hard going and me being me, I didn't quit even though I wasn't enjoying it at all, also like you, I had to lie down for most of the theory tuition.
I feel a full post coming on about this. I have never heard of crip time. My son has MS and he learned early on how to go easy on himself, this is new territory for me. Overachivementitis and all that.
Thank you for your post, it has helped me to reframe things and to stop pressing the pressure buttons. I wish you well, as much as possible. Valerie
Thank you so much for sharing your story and experience! I’m glad the article helped you reframe things 🌸
I can relate to this comment — I have Long Covid and then developed CFS because of it. I also initially thought my symptoms were tied to depression. Things are so hard. I was also a push-through-it person. Acknowledging that being that way and pushing through doesn’t help is how I keep going and leave guilt behind. But it’s difficult to do!
It’s so difficult!
Never heard of crip time before but can relate to all the unlearning and relearning of productivity, letting go, adapting, patience and nothing about my life and my body being the same as what I’d been taught it to be in a linear, hierarchical, masculine dominated (imbalanced) system.
It’s like we’re creating a whole different world…
That is my belief ❤️🔥💟
Thank you for this 💛 Being mentally ill has made holding down a lot of job difficult for me, and it’s hard not to let that affect your sense of worth sometimes. My dream is to have a job/career that allows me to honor my body’s natural energy cycle and listen to them before burning out
I wish all jobs allowed this 🌸I really hope you find it some day.
Thank you 💜
“Crip time embraces the rhythms, delays, and pauses that come with navigating a world not designed for all bodyminds.”
I love this post so much. I’m currently in what I call an adjustment period (a dip, flare, etc.) and I really needed to learn this new term right about now. Thank you, Madelleine 🩶
So glad it helped 🌸❤️
I’d never heard of crip time either and how you’ve written about your experience really resonates and has moved me. You’ve reminded me too of Josie George’s brilliant memoir ‘A Still Life’ - one of many books I’ve read in the long, slow and hateful process of coming to terms with crip time… thanks for this Madelleine 🙏🏻
Thank you, Sophie 🌸❤️
Thank you so much for writing this beautiful & powerful post!
Thank you 🌸❤️
Thank you for this. I don't have the energy for a long comment, but I subscribed and restacked this. So accurate. Like shining a light on the dark places.
Thank you so much 🌸❤️
Crip time is liberating for aging bodies. I got a taste of it with ME/CFS in my 30s, and at the time I had a sneaking suspicion that it would be helpful in the later years of life. Now in my 60s, I still fuss when I need to slow down sometimes, but having experienced the freedom from schedules that crip time offers, I find it helps me give fewer f—-s about conventional time and expectations. Thank you for your wise and seasoned perspective.
Oh I love this: “… fewer f—-s about conventional time and expectations.” Thank you for sharing!
I appreciated your writing this morning. I find I am not as "in good health" mentally as I thought I was. My friends and my brother have urged me to get help and I am doing that now. Even starting that path has made me feel better. About cooking/ food - it is hard to know what to eat every day. (Lots of sandwiches, some fast food, sometimes vegetables. I could eat better if others were cooking for me!) I am also a cancer survivor - I've had 2 surgeries for ocular melanoma, so can't see out of my right eye. I manage well most of the time, especially at familiar places. (And thank God I can drive safely!!) Best wishes to the writer and commenters on this post!
Thank you, Mary. And I’m so sorry to hear about your mental (and physical) health struggles. I wish you the best 🌸😍
Love this post, many points resonated with me. Reshared everywhere :)
Thank you so much 🌸❤️
Great read. The living grief we navigate is an initiation
It absolutely is an initiation 🌸
One of the most profound essays I’ve read, thank you for this.
Thank you so much, Reda 🌸❤️
"Crip time asks us to listen to the natural ebb and flow of our energy and to value the pauses as much as the progress. "
I hadn't heard of Crip time before, but do appreciate what you wrote, and the quote too about the grief inherent and the undertow of loss. Thankyou
Thank you 🌸❤️
Your words are a remarkable gift. I have so many thoughts coming up that I'm going to sit with. Thank you.
Thank you! And so glad it made you think 🌸