Isn’t it ironic? Chronic illness seemed to have shown me a way towards my place in the creative world, but it’s also what has made creativity so much harder.
Like yourself, I didn’t believe myself to be creative. A belief projected on to me by my mum -that I now see as far more widespread than just parental.
My ancestral belief that ‘everything has to be hard’ certainly hasn’t helped either.
In many ways, chronic illness has unleashed my creativity. I had lost sight of my love for writing and I certainly didn’t grow up with any connection to just how good I was at it. (Apparently all my friends saw it and remembered, told me I wrote poems - but I can’t remember any of it. I only remember my friend being super talented at writing stories I thought could be books and creating poem after poem - but there I was, projecting. And seeing everything as outside of myself.)
Because of chronic illness though, I’ve had to learn to work in flow with crrativity. See myself as a cyclical being. Connecting to the seasons of the cycle.
Everyone looks at me blank when I talk about this but I’ve only ever been able to do what I can when I can. And all my creative endeavours come from this place - a place where I can also tap into guidance.
In the long term, I create not only more this way but it comes from a deeper, more intuitive place.
It’s the unlearning and relearning, healing and letting go of so much to make space for the new - and taking up so much space - that has been the greatest challenge to get to this point though.
Thank you so much for sharing! I can relate to a lot of what you write. When I was twelve I wrote songs and my best friend at the time said they were great and that one day I’d be a real artist — but I couldn’t hear any of it. I’ve worked through a lot of forgiveness for myself for abandoning myself like that.
I didn't think I was a very creative person. I have always known that my mother IS a creative person, but I was never able to do the things she did. Or if I tried, I wasn't very good. (Never mind she had decades of practice when I tried it.)
I got diagnosed with Dysautonomia, POTS, OH, and SFN in 2018. I had been deteriorating for years at that point and couldn't stand for long, had difficulty walking, and no longer worked. I stopped trying to do things when COVID trapped everyone inside, so my functioning got yet again worse. In 2021, I could not stand, but I could sit and write; I could not walk, but I could sit and write.
I started writing as a hobby. I didn't think anything would really come of it. It was something to do. But it fed me in ways that I'd felt in years! I found a voice and an outlet that were so freeing and filled with possibility. I published my debut novel in 2024 and plan to publish my second novel in October of this year.
Writing freed me from the many ways that illness trapped me.
Wow, thank you so much for sharing your journey with us! I shed a happy tear 🥰 And congratulations on your books. I’m so glad your creativity showed up for you.
The moment you describe at your grandmother's funeral, when your grandfather told you that you had a beautiful voice and should do something about it, gave me chills. Those pivotal moments when someone sees our potential and gives us permission to claim it can change everything. I've had similar experiences where a single person's recognition shifted how I saw my own creative possibilities - they lodge in us and help even when we don't act on them in the moment.
In my own experience with depression and fluctuating energy, I've learned that creativity often has to happen in the windows when it's possible, rather than when we plan for it. I try to have a structured plan and then try to be gentle with myself when the plan doesn't work.
Thank you so much for sharing a bit of your process too and about being prepared for the windows rather than having a plan. That’s how I create too. And YES, those kinds of comments can be vital for our creative lives. They can change lives.
Thank you for sharing your journey. I can relate. Chronic spinal challenges forced me to reimagine writing sessions and to be kinder to myself. When doctors said I should never type a word again, I began to handwrite a word or a sentence when my hands allowed —with plans to dictate them into MS Word. I became kind with any creative movement. So handwriting a word or sentence in the morning left me just as satisfied and inspired as when I dutifully wrote 3 pages daily as my morning pages decades ago. I also learned that bit by bit, each tiny, granular effort accumulated and morphed into a story or book. Thank you. You inspire me. 🌸🌸
Like yourself, I didn’t believe myself to be creative. A belief projected on to me by my mum -that I now see as far more widespread than just parental.
My ancestral belief that ‘everything has to be hard’ certainly hasn’t helped either.
In many ways, chronic illness has unleashed my creativity. I had lost sight of my love for writing and I certainly didn’t grow up with any connection to just how good I was at it. (Apparently all my friends saw it and remembered, told me I wrote poems - but I can’t remember any of it. I only remember my friend being super talented at writing stories I thought could be books and creating poem after poem - but there I was, projecting. And seeing everything as outside of myself.)
Because of chronic illness though, I’ve had to learn to work in flow with crrativity. See myself as a cyclical being. Connecting to the seasons of the cycle.
Everyone looks at me blank when I talk about this but I’ve only ever been able to do what I can when I can. And all my creative endeavours come from this place - a place where I can also tap into guidance.
In the long term, I create not only more this way but it comes from a deeper, more intuitive place.
It’s the unlearning and relearning, healing and letting go of so much to make space for the new - and taking up so much space - that has been the greatest challenge to get to this point though.
Thank you so much for sharing! I can relate to a lot of what you write. When I was twelve I wrote songs and my best friend at the time said they were great and that one day I’d be a real artist — but I couldn’t hear any of it. I’ve worked through a lot of forgiveness for myself for abandoning myself like that.
Same here! Took me a long time to realise that it was only ever me, abandoning myself. And I did so for my own protection, my own survival.
Exactly ❤️
I didn't think I was a very creative person. I have always known that my mother IS a creative person, but I was never able to do the things she did. Or if I tried, I wasn't very good. (Never mind she had decades of practice when I tried it.)
I got diagnosed with Dysautonomia, POTS, OH, and SFN in 2018. I had been deteriorating for years at that point and couldn't stand for long, had difficulty walking, and no longer worked. I stopped trying to do things when COVID trapped everyone inside, so my functioning got yet again worse. In 2021, I could not stand, but I could sit and write; I could not walk, but I could sit and write.
I started writing as a hobby. I didn't think anything would really come of it. It was something to do. But it fed me in ways that I'd felt in years! I found a voice and an outlet that were so freeing and filled with possibility. I published my debut novel in 2024 and plan to publish my second novel in October of this year.
Writing freed me from the many ways that illness trapped me.
Wow, thank you so much for sharing your journey with us! I shed a happy tear 🥰 And congratulations on your books. I’m so glad your creativity showed up for you.
The moment you describe at your grandmother's funeral, when your grandfather told you that you had a beautiful voice and should do something about it, gave me chills. Those pivotal moments when someone sees our potential and gives us permission to claim it can change everything. I've had similar experiences where a single person's recognition shifted how I saw my own creative possibilities - they lodge in us and help even when we don't act on them in the moment.
In my own experience with depression and fluctuating energy, I've learned that creativity often has to happen in the windows when it's possible, rather than when we plan for it. I try to have a structured plan and then try to be gentle with myself when the plan doesn't work.
I know! I wish I could tell my grandfather how much that meant but he is gone unfortunately 🥲
Hugs. I completely understand that feeling.
Thank you so much for sharing a bit of your process too and about being prepared for the windows rather than having a plan. That’s how I create too. And YES, those kinds of comments can be vital for our creative lives. They can change lives.
And often the person who says them never even knows!
Thank you for sharing your journey. I can relate. Chronic spinal challenges forced me to reimagine writing sessions and to be kinder to myself. When doctors said I should never type a word again, I began to handwrite a word or a sentence when my hands allowed —with plans to dictate them into MS Word. I became kind with any creative movement. So handwriting a word or sentence in the morning left me just as satisfied and inspired as when I dutifully wrote 3 pages daily as my morning pages decades ago. I also learned that bit by bit, each tiny, granular effort accumulated and morphed into a story or book. Thank you. You inspire me. 🌸🌸
I LOVE this!