Isn’t it ironic? Chronic illness seemed to have shown me a way towards my place in the creative world, but it’s also what has made creativity so much harder.
Like yourself, I didn’t believe myself to be creative. A belief projected on to me by my mum -that I now see as far more widespread than just parental.
My ancestral belief that ‘everything has to be hard’ certainly hasn’t helped either.
In many ways, chronic illness has unleashed my creativity. I had lost sight of my love for writing and I certainly didn’t grow up with any connection to just how good I was at it. (Apparently all my friends saw it and remembered, told me I wrote poems - but I can’t remember any of it. I only remember my friend being super talented at writing stories I thought could be books and creating poem after poem - but there I was, projecting. And seeing everything as outside of myself.)
Because of chronic illness though, I’ve had to learn to work in flow with crrativity. See myself as a cyclical being. Connecting to the seasons of the cycle.
Everyone looks at me blank when I talk about this but I’ve only ever been able to do what I can when I can. And all my creative endeavours come from this place - a place where I can also tap into guidance.
In the long term, I create not only more this way but it comes from a deeper, more intuitive place.
It’s the unlearning and relearning, healing and letting go of so much to make space for the new - and taking up so much space - that has been the greatest challenge to get to this point though.
Thank you so much for sharing! I can relate to a lot of what you write. When I was twelve I wrote songs and my best friend at the time said they were great and that one day I’d be a real artist — but I couldn’t hear any of it. I’ve worked through a lot of forgiveness for myself for abandoning myself like that.
Like yourself, I didn’t believe myself to be creative. A belief projected on to me by my mum -that I now see as far more widespread than just parental.
My ancestral belief that ‘everything has to be hard’ certainly hasn’t helped either.
In many ways, chronic illness has unleashed my creativity. I had lost sight of my love for writing and I certainly didn’t grow up with any connection to just how good I was at it. (Apparently all my friends saw it and remembered, told me I wrote poems - but I can’t remember any of it. I only remember my friend being super talented at writing stories I thought could be books and creating poem after poem - but there I was, projecting. And seeing everything as outside of myself.)
Because of chronic illness though, I’ve had to learn to work in flow with crrativity. See myself as a cyclical being. Connecting to the seasons of the cycle.
Everyone looks at me blank when I talk about this but I’ve only ever been able to do what I can when I can. And all my creative endeavours come from this place - a place where I can also tap into guidance.
In the long term, I create not only more this way but it comes from a deeper, more intuitive place.
It’s the unlearning and relearning, healing and letting go of so much to make space for the new - and taking up so much space - that has been the greatest challenge to get to this point though.
Thank you so much for sharing! I can relate to a lot of what you write. When I was twelve I wrote songs and my best friend at the time said they were great and that one day I’d be a real artist — but I couldn’t hear any of it. I’ve worked through a lot of forgiveness for myself for abandoning myself like that.
Same here! Took me a long time to realise that it was only ever me, abandoning myself. And I did so for my own protection, my own survival.
Exactly ❤️