I hear you. I have PTSD and pretty severe arthritis in my spine. I am nowhere near as "productive" as I used to be, but I try to write at least a haiku or make at least a little sketch every day. I haven't figured out how to completely let go of comparisons between Me Now and Me Before, but I'm trying. Wishing you good days ahead.
Madeleine, I have Fibro/CFS so I understand some of your pain here. I find it hard to sit for long periods of time at the computer. And I spend far less time with my photography than I used to. Thanks for sharing your struggles here.
How do I stay inspired? Well today I read your essay here!
And how do I create with limitations? Too often maybe I pretend they are not there. Battle through, expect too much of myself, compare to those without limitations. Now reading this I think: you could be kinder to yourself within those limitations. Yes create despite them but also create within them more with more acceptance that I might need to rest.
Thank you so much for your kind words and for sharing! And yes, I found that with acceptance and finding ways to work within the limitations made me more creative somehow, but in a very different (and much less productive) way than those with no or much less limitations. I also threw away a lot of standard creativity advice... just doesn’t work for me.
I suspect whether you are less productive depends on how we decide to measure it. In numbers of words/projects/etc maybe. In terms of producing impact, producing change, producing pleasure in good words... it’s for you to measure your own life but I’m off to the bookies to bet that you are not less productive at all in that respect!!!
Thank you so incredibly much for sharing this story. I know that writing it (anything) took precious energy and it's so valuable for all of us to gain this insight through your words. A lot of what you've said resonates even though my particular chronic condition is a different one. <3 <3 <3
Thank you so much, Kathryn! And yeah I think most people with chronic illness or other types of limitations can relate. It’s a big source of grief for many I think.
Rae Katz asked me a question about that when she interviewed me and I had to pause and think because there are so many layers to it and I think some I haven't even really touched on yet in my own process
I totally hear you re the layers! I wonder if we will ever get to the bottom layer or if we sort of swim around in them all at different levels at different times.
Swimming around is a visual I appreciate. I've been trying to come up with new ways of visualizing my mental health journey - I've been thinking about spirals and keyboards ... but swimming around in and out of visibility in the water is also pretty powerful. https://createmefree.substack.com/p/is-the-depression-spectrum-really
Thank you, Madeleine, the world needs your voice however and whenever you are able to express it ❤️ Just working out how to create around your limits is a great creative work!
Thank you for this. Big mood. It is very difficult. All of it. I am a poet and a photographer and a knitter, but by and large these days it’s snippets of stolen moments here and there.
So grateful to you for naming this; when you've been so thoroughly enmeshed with the medical system, you can forget that creativity (and - yes! - the connection to spirituality through it) is such a fundamental part of what health is. This naming and claiming feels so important. Twenty years into living with Crohn's disease and I still constantly need reminders. So - thank you! Sending care and solidarity.
hey Madelleine, just checking your work out after you commented on my post. Thank you for putting this out there, there's a lot of things to relate to here and I can sense your optimism which is great. I definitely think creativity/writing can be used as a funnel for all this pent up and often negative energy and by the sounds of it, it has had healing aspects. It's certainly been a great distraction for me personally since the onset of my eye issues. Good to meet you again!
Thank you for sharing! And yes, writing has been (still is) definitely very healing to me too. I also think it helps with the isolation and general feeling of being erased.
I hear you. I have PTSD and pretty severe arthritis in my spine. I am nowhere near as "productive" as I used to be, but I try to write at least a haiku or make at least a little sketch every day. I haven't figured out how to completely let go of comparisons between Me Now and Me Before, but I'm trying. Wishing you good days ahead.
Thank you! And me too, I am still working on not comparing, it’s difficult.
Madeleine, I have Fibro/CFS so I understand some of your pain here. I find it hard to sit for long periods of time at the computer. And I spend far less time with my photography than I used to. Thanks for sharing your struggles here.
Thank you so much for sharing!
You're welcome!
How do I stay inspired? Well today I read your essay here!
And how do I create with limitations? Too often maybe I pretend they are not there. Battle through, expect too much of myself, compare to those without limitations. Now reading this I think: you could be kinder to yourself within those limitations. Yes create despite them but also create within them more with more acceptance that I might need to rest.
Thank you so much for your kind words and for sharing! And yes, I found that with acceptance and finding ways to work within the limitations made me more creative somehow, but in a very different (and much less productive) way than those with no or much less limitations. I also threw away a lot of standard creativity advice... just doesn’t work for me.
I suspect whether you are less productive depends on how we decide to measure it. In numbers of words/projects/etc maybe. In terms of producing impact, producing change, producing pleasure in good words... it’s for you to measure your own life but I’m off to the bookies to bet that you are not less productive at all in that respect!!!
Soooo true!! Love this!
Thank you so incredibly much for sharing this story. I know that writing it (anything) took precious energy and it's so valuable for all of us to gain this insight through your words. A lot of what you've said resonates even though my particular chronic condition is a different one. <3 <3 <3
Thank you so much, Kathryn! And yeah I think most people with chronic illness or other types of limitations can relate. It’s a big source of grief for many I think.
I think you are right about that. And I think it takes time to understand that and really grieve the loss in order to somewhat make peace with it. <3
Yes, it’s so much grief!
Rae Katz asked me a question about that when she interviewed me and I had to pause and think because there are so many layers to it and I think some I haven't even really touched on yet in my own process
I totally hear you re the layers! I wonder if we will ever get to the bottom layer or if we sort of swim around in them all at different levels at different times.
Swimming around is a visual I appreciate. I've been trying to come up with new ways of visualizing my mental health journey - I've been thinking about spirals and keyboards ... but swimming around in and out of visibility in the water is also pretty powerful. https://createmefree.substack.com/p/is-the-depression-spectrum-really
Thank you, Madeleine, the world needs your voice however and whenever you are able to express it ❤️ Just working out how to create around your limits is a great creative work!
Thank you! And so true, it’s a creative feat in and of itself to figure out how to work around limitations!
Thank you for this. Big mood. It is very difficult. All of it. I am a poet and a photographer and a knitter, but by and large these days it’s snippets of stolen moments here and there.
It’s so hard to stay creative with chronic illness, yet it’s also what gives us meaning.
This so much yes. I appreciate much that we understand this equally.
So grateful to you for naming this; when you've been so thoroughly enmeshed with the medical system, you can forget that creativity (and - yes! - the connection to spirituality through it) is such a fundamental part of what health is. This naming and claiming feels so important. Twenty years into living with Crohn's disease and I still constantly need reminders. So - thank you! Sending care and solidarity.
Aawe so glad I could remind you of the power of creativity and how fundamental it is to our health! Sending care and solidarity right back 🌸
hey Madelleine, just checking your work out after you commented on my post. Thank you for putting this out there, there's a lot of things to relate to here and I can sense your optimism which is great. I definitely think creativity/writing can be used as a funnel for all this pent up and often negative energy and by the sounds of it, it has had healing aspects. It's certainly been a great distraction for me personally since the onset of my eye issues. Good to meet you again!
Thank you for sharing! And yes, writing has been (still is) definitely very healing to me too. I also think it helps with the isolation and general feeling of being erased.
Thank you! And it’s so true! A lot of my inspiration comes from others sharing. I love it!