Did You Not Know? + Album is out!

A song about invisible illness + now you can hear the full album

Sep 19, 2025

Hi! So sorry I’ve been AWOL the past couple of weeks, I’ve been in and out of hospitals and am completely fatigued and burnt out now. I will be taking a longer break after this newsletter :)

My album is out! Listen to or purchase the full album here!

It’s called Did You Not Know? because I thought it portrayed my (and millions others’) experience of living with illness that is — and has been made — invisible, neglected and ignored.

I want to highlight the title song from my album:

Did You Not Know? is a song about living with invisible illness — and without even knowing it yourself. It is about the grief and depression of losing large chunks of your life and being left by people you love.

Purchase or stream here

All income for the first two years (possibly more) will go to Open Medicine Foundation for vital ME/CFS and Long Covid research. You can support the cause by purchasing the music on Bandcamp or iTunes.

If you can’t listen to music, then here are the lyrics.

LISTEN TO THE FULL ALBUM HERE

This song was among the first batch of songs I wrote in 2015, before I knew I had ME/CFS. I had been sick and missing from my normal life for four years at this point and I didn’t understand what was going on in my body. But I was grieving without truly knowing it.

It is only years later, when I re-read the lyrics, that I understood how much grief and sorrow was expressed:

Did you not know

That the worms they ate away my clowns

I hadn’t felt true joy for a long time and I felt like my body was eroding. It was a confusing time as I didn’t know I was sick. I thought it was me, my person, my character, my mindset, my emotional and spiritual energy bodies that were the problem.

I had also experienced people, whom I had loved, leaving me, or distancing themselves from me as I was fumbling to live in a world that wasn’t suited for my bodymind. I felt angry:

The storms grew loud as Thor descended and spoke on my behalf

The flowers died where you left your shoes the day my demons arrived

This song began with a creative practice I call ‘Mumbling’. I had created a simple chord progression and had started to hum the melody. I then started mumbling random sounds as I sang the melody. The first round sounded something like this:

Mmheboliptosised.

There was something about the ending ‘-ised’ that just fit the melody. And the word hypnotised came to mind. I then made the sentence ‘I was hypnotised’.

I sometimes begin my songs in this way. It’s a great way to connect to my subconscious while really listening to what the music wants to tell me. And I love being surprised by what comes out. I then started saying words like worms and clowns and from there I knew what the song was going to be about.

I play the flute, Jonas Müller (my brother) plays the piano and David Hagen plays the double bass. François Perdriau has mixed and mastered the song. I feel so incredibly lucky to be able to have my song accompanied by such excellent musicians. They really brought out the vibe in the song.

All income for the first two years (maybe more) will go to Open Medicine Foundation for vital ME/CFS and Long Covid research. You can support the cause by purchasing the music on Bandcamp or iTunes.

Purchase or stream the full album here