This thing doctors say still triggers me
I know that he meant to calm me down with his words, but it had the exact opposite effect. Once again, my pain was invalidated.
I’ve been getting IV magnesium treatments for almost a decade now, due to an incessant magnesium deficiency, most likely caused by the ME/CFS (my ME specialist doctor gave me a long explanation involving kidneys and autonomic nervous system and mitochondria and so forth). A few months ago, despite the IV treatments, my magnesium levels had dropped. It affected me a lot as my legs were cramping so hard I couldn’t sleep.
When I spoke to the hospital doctor (who is not an ME/CFS specialist and has no clue about my illness), he said:
”But you’re not going to die from this.”
I know that he meant to calm me down with his words, but it had the exact opposite effect. Once again, my pain was invalidated. All he had to say was: “I so understand how those cramps must be affecting you, this is no good, let’s do something about it shall we.”
I managed to convince him to up my dosis, and while I didn’t show it (I’ve learnt how to do emotional labour with doctors), it triggered me profoundly. I couldn’t sleep that night as all the other times I had been gaslit and invalidated came to the surface.
I know the dril when I’m triggered. There is not much I can do, but breathe through it, observe my thoughts, rather than go into them, and give myself as much love and care as possible. And then keep my body in a state of relaxation.
I observed how my brain started defending myself to the doctor, how all the arguments were formed (but if my legs are cramping I can’t sleep, and when I can’t sleep all hell breaks lose and I get even sicker, and I may even not recover), a cascade of anger that I have been holding in came out and my body was shaking.
I have experienced different versions of this. Doctors saying:
“It’s not that bad…”
“This is nothing to worry about…”
“There is nothing wrong…”
… when my body was failing and my life was dwindling without me being able to do anything about it.
Doctors invalidation of patients’ symptoms is a serious issue and it can have far-reaching consequences for patients’ physical and mental health. It still affects me.
This invalidation undermines the general trust between a doctor and their patient and can lead to delayed diagnosis or missed diagnosis, as well as inadequate or delayed treatments.
We know that women, people of colour, trans people, and people from lower socioeconomic backgrounds are more likely to have their symptoms dismissed or minimised.
For example, women are less likely to receive timely treatment for heart disease because their symptoms often present differently than men's, leading to assumptions that their complaints are less serious. Similarly, Black patients have historically been undertreated for pain due to biased beliefs that they experience pain differently or less intensely than white patients.
However, on a more positive note: I have finally found a GP who is proactive and doesn’t minimise my condition. Last month she even suggested coming for a home visit to check up on me — she is coming tomorrow. Now that’s a good doctor.
Tell me…
What things doctors say triggers you?
What is a good doctor in your eyes?
Have you experienced invalidation from doctors?
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Did you miss?
What it’s like to live with severe ME/CFS
What I hope psychologists know about stigmatised chronic illness
Dear able-bodied people: Why “I know how you feel” hurts more than it helps
Meditation: Calling ourselves back
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One if my doctors, one I’ve been seeing for years, always tells me how good/healthy I look. When I tell himhow dizzy I feel, he always responds with something like “But I see you sitting here, in shorts and looking all summer-y -I think this is the best I’ve ever seen you”. I already know, that I don’t look sick, unless you know me very well. Also I am great at masking, but I try not to do so at my doctors appointments. With this doctor, I get stressed days in advance. I have to make sure I’m not wearing anything “extra”, like nailpolish, jewellery or mascara - as he will use these things against me. It’s not that he doesn’t believe me, he does, kind of. But he doesn’t know how to help - I think he means well and is trying to “keep my spirits up” but I am not depressed and constantly telling me, that I don’t look sick, when I feel like hell and am using days worth of “spoons” just to be there makes me feel invalidated and if he doesn’t gaslight me at that particular appointment, I will start gaslighting myself.
I’m triggered by these exact same comments. As well as “it’s technically a benign condition” and “maybe you’re anxious”. I so wish doctors could understand that we’re struggling to adapt to a new and scary reality. Our health is gone and we have to re-learn how to exist in the world. We need compassion, support and solutions. Not dismissive quips (even if well intentioned).
On an unrelated note - have you ever tried magnesium lotion? I likely wouldn’t be strong enough to correct the deficiency but it might aid the cramping?